The Healing Immersion of the Present 2008

The healing immersion of the present

Cleanses the emotion of the past

Creates episodes in memory

Beautiful and complex

Monumented in our minds

Detached from our souls

The healing immersion of the present

Purifies the worry of the future

Lets it come as it will

Enjoys the unknown, unbiased

Structures plans and ideas

All ready for embarkment or evolvement

The healing immersion of the present

Allows you to feel the entirety of the now

Gets you in the funk of it all

Creativity and imagination totally lived

This is the only way there can be no regret

For there is nothing unfelt, unthought or undone

We are the observers of the magical chaotic order

A part of the cosmic experience

We are the intelligent emotional energy

That exist with the rest of the universe

Yesterday's pain shall be yesterday's beauty

Tomorrow's stress shall be tomorrow's to decide

Today's pizazz shall be today's pizazz...

~The colourful mounting of curious winds to commemorate the day I was born. To be born again is the best thing to learn and relearn this year.~

The Colors of Friendship (Badge/Award)

- The Colors of Friendship Badge, gifted by ndpthepoetress - the owner of a beautiful blogsite dedicated to the creativity of writing and the mind.

I am to pass this token of friendship on to five deserving friends in the blogosphere so here goes:

1. Jim


2. Red Dirt Scribbler


3. Absolute Vanilla


4. Goatman


5. Princess Haiku

These are all bloggers whom I feel have that special sparkle of life, intensely in tuned with that magical something that exists between the heart and the mind.

***

Friendship to me happens when a spiritual connection is formed between two parties. This could be a thought unsaid but shared about something you each understood separately but intricately. This could also be conversation after conversation that is so well woven together that it brings you to new heights of discovery.

Nevertheless, this friendship can only become stronger length wise if both parties trust each other. This trust is the belief in the other's ability to make his or her own decision and then the knowledge that whatever they chose to do is the best they can do around their circumstance at each given time. Friends see the enormous potential in each other but understand and love who you are right now as well. This love is the all-encompassing one non-judgmental of what is right and wrong but sees the individuality and flexibility of character. In fact, the word 'character' does not exist for it seeks to define what does not need to be. We can be anything and true friends see that. Basically this all means that within true friendships self-righteousness cannot persist.

More often than not when we think to confide in someone, hoping to share an emotion so as to connect on a deeper level, the response tend to come in advice of "shoulds" and "should nots". The confidante has stepped into your shoes in attempt to be close, but then stepped away with the detached observations of unforgiving analysis. True closeness is not this disrespect to the journey of another's life. It is a connection with the emotion shared, a sensation felt completely, and then both persons let go of it together. No lingering thought about it that can build up to an assumption of the character of the sharing party. This is authentic closeness when people know how to share their lives without invasion.

~

There are many indications to me that I am constantly stressed and how deep-rooted this tension is. I grind my teeth while sleeping everyday, and when I am awake my jaw is clenched down. I play with my nails incessantly and so they are pretty sensitive and break easily. When I talk to people I am generally hyperactive and nervous, and show this either by talking too much or talking too little (usually the first). And I am all of this despite being very conscious of how happy I am with my life.

I am totally in love with my life. I am living my dreams and moving forward all the time, and there are many gifts bestowed upon me that so many people take a lifetime to find. I have found the perfect other half whose very presence unveiled a greater reality to me. As an employee I have had the most amazing job becoming the editor of a creative magazine having a large say in the philosophical topics to express. As an employer I am slowly but surely forming system after system and it is so exciting and real that I am awfully glad I made this brave step in my life. I am just absolutely thrilled with all the things I have planned to do and have learnt and am still learning.

So why in spite of all my happiness, my subconscious is still grinding and picking at my nerves?

I began a wild child, constantly questioning things around me, unwilling to accept the norm to be the easy truth. I did what I wanted to do, felt a lot for everything and watched it all. And my independence was as constantly being watched and stamped out by an overly anxious mother. When I hooked one leg over the other at a young age, she told me accusingly not to do that as I looked vain. Whatever I chose to wear she would overeactively nitpick over it and most times I would have to return to my room to change out of my outfit feeling a sense of shame at my proposed vainness. Yet it took a long while for me to back down. When she told me what a girl should or should not do, I demanded a good reason as to why there should be these differences all steeped in limiting me. We argued and fought incessantly for a long, long time. And truth be told I do not remember a single affectionate moment shared between us during my childhood. All I can recall is a cloud of depressing suppression that smothered me, a sensation that I understood but could not define at that age.

As I grew older I got tired of fighting as my mother would not let up at all. Her way, her laws and her life was to be as she wanted it to be, and that included how I behaved, how I thought and how I am. There was no room for meeting in the middle. It was her way or none at all. One day, I decided once and for all that I did not want this unhappiness to continue. When I yielded it was in love for her, in love of peace and with the desire to grow, for the monotony was eating into me, but that moment was the moment I lost my wild fiery self.

Already I was becoming a nervous child, consistently second guessing myself and making mistakes because of that, and then going into a mood berating myself and the mess that I am because of the whole confusion of action. It was hard not to be like that when my movements are so watched and judged and corrected. It was difficult to make decisions firmly unafraid to fail. I knew my real self was fearless and in events where mistakes occurred outside of my mother's reach I used it to my advantage. However, as time went along and she usurped every space in my free willing spirit, I no longer had this private decision making space, for even there I hear her invading voice.

And today, even when I am filled with happiness and empowered by my own independant lifestyle, there exists this creeping feeling of worry that comes over me every second that it gets too quiet. The now enlarged sense that everything that I have built my life up to could have been a huge, devastating mistake and when I finally realise it, it would be too late, would have me sink, sink, sink into the great dark abyss of endless misery whenever I allow this suspicion to envelope me. No matter how ridiculous this might sound to my rational mind, it takes awhile to get rid of the feeling to come to that rational place. After that the whole sickening notion of why I am still at this state when I have already traveled so far in learning about the transient nature of life will overwhelm and leave me gasping for some form of saving grace. It is just that repetitive cycle of self-doubt and nothingness.

I am still struggling to get rid of this childhood bane. But I have only just discovered it. I only got here because I have finally reached the point where action has shown itself to be the trusting of instincts and I saw that my instincts are covered up by this flurrying nervous energy. And then I connected my tensed teeth-grinding and nail picking. And then I saw how etched in this inner tension was. And so I studied the history of how it came about. But now lies the question:

How do I get rid of this unnecessary and senseless stress once and for all?

~

How I have defined a true friendship is what all relationships should be. The base of any relationship is friendship. Trust and love, and all I have expressed of it. In view of this definition I can choose my friends accordingly but this could mean I could end up with no friends at all, for creating this kind of optimal relationship requires both to be in that mentality and first of all necessitates the understanding of what a relationship should be. Therefore cutting off friends who have not that outlook on friendship is not the answer, but perhaps my own living of that example could be.

With family it is even more so this way, for it is not a matter of choose and cut here at all. We cannot choose our family and we cannot cut our ties. And if only I live my example and let that reign over any other perception, I do not see why I should collapse into a state of tension any longer. As I become more trusting and loving, and naturally accepting that trusting and loving is the way it should be, subtly but surely that world would become realer and realer for me. Which is what is truly important. My reality.

And so I would no longer shiver in a bundle of nervous worries, my sanity cracking as the minutes ticked by. I would be healed with each effort I put into creating my reality. Becoming more comfortable and relaxed as I spin my own web of fate. There is nothing to worry in this moment for I trust my family without needing to analyse, just by instinct and just by love. And I know that deep down inside they do trust and love me the way I know is perfect. Most of all, deep down inside I trust and love me.

Rest, rest.

The restful babe slumbers on in the womb

In the quiet stillness

Its consciousness one with the rest of creation

Yet the separate nuance of identity

Forming and forming

As the body prepares itself for birth.

The activity, the excitement, the disturbance of experience

Cultivates awareness of the external, of which so little is known.

It responds with intense fear, wails at the top of its lungs - Born.

Rest, rest little one...

Fear is just the evolutionary signal to help us survive.

We are beginning a new age now, and your peace will herald its coming.

Our reign as the king lion should come to an end

For we are nearly gods already

Will soon be turning on each other

If our savage selves allowed to exist without reason

This path will only lead to total destruction of our kind.

It is time to develop further

Into a species no longer fleeing or frightened.

That primitive response inbred in us not useful anymore

Vestigial emotions that will be discarded

But how long will it take?

500 years for humankind to learn to return to our foetal depths?

More?

Will we last 500 years?

If we do, will we then wake from the womb thirsting for knowledge

Silent, observant and unafraid?

Rest, rest, brothers and sisters...

We are all the same.

No more fighting and hiding

We have so much work to do.

There is so much to see and know,

So much to love and feel.


Rest, rest...

Let our spirits return to our foetal depths.

***

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/453051/why_selfawareness_equates_to_the_knowledge.html

Bagged & Tagged (Labels in so many sense...)

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

-Tagged by Ghee
-Tagging Jannyfer, Keshi, Sandy Carlson.

_______________________________________________________

I am such a film buff, always excited about a fantastic time devouring a great movie.

I love so many different kinds of movies - all from comedies, indie, book adaptations, horror and so on - but it must all be sincere expressive art pieces and not blockbusters dripping with the sweat of consumerism. Thoughts and screenplay steeped in the whoring of dead souls just wandering around for mindless entertainment.

No, I am not into that.

There is always what is a firm step to growth and productivity of the Self. And there is always that which brings us into a vicious cycle because it is unfocussed and unnecessary... excess in every way. The first one is the balanced point, and the second an extreme position (anything unbalanced is extreme). What is focussed and keeping the point centred is balanced. And what is sinking too much into anything is extreme.

These certain blockbusters are extreme because instead of concentrating on what films are, an experience given by the collection of artists who created the flicks with the intention to share, express and connect... they arrange the movie around the marketable aspects catering to the majority to ensure a high movie rating and sales.

Art becoming a business in this way is insincere and promotes insincerity. It does not benefit humankind in any way and is in fact detrimental. Art which truly is art, when it is so appreciated by the audience without needing such flossing and glossing would then truly reflect on the society as an enlightened, advanced collective consciousness. We do not allow ourselves the belief that we can be that as a species and we show this in our business tactics.

I am thinking about business... about a company's need to maintain a good name or more exactly, its bondage to impressing others and the desire to have a widely accepted good opinion from others.

I am thinking about the labelling and narrowing needed to be done in business... elements of which on a personal level I understand so well the process of which it came about, its reactionary and backwardness. Elements of which I seek to dissolve in myself as noted unnatural perverseness developed through a locked-on mindset of extremism in attempt to shield or decorate the ego.

In every way I look at it, there seems to be no possible way to dissolve the heart of a business from 'impressive walls' or limiting views apparent in advertising strategies. A business exist to connect different groups of people together to generate monetary movement. It cannot be successful if it does not pay attention to keeping a good name and it will not be noticed if it does not employ the generic choices of the marketing team.

And the whole process seems to me like robotic actions done without really agreeing but to fit part of the machinery cycle. Exactly why this coldness upsets me this much is that I attach it to who I am. If business is cold and I own the business, I am cold am I not? And if I am not, then I must be hypocritical.

But yet there is something absolutely natural about it. In fact the business system is something totally efficient. And I am talking on a holistic scale regarding mankind on the whole. The market system undeniably comes together in a complexly beautiful way without needing manipulation from any overseeing source. In a sense, owning a business can be the smartest capitalistic way of dealing with survival issues as quickly as possible so as to then be able to drivenly spend the rest of our little time here on Earth exploring and experiencing the quintessential questions of life. After all, we should already be at that state of advanced self-awareness that knows such a great deal more than the majority of us now do. And I mean knowledge about the deepest mysteries. Of all that we don't know and should always seek to find out. And if we just focus on the point again, and never the runaround, we will be able to see what would be the fastest way to get the survival problem out of the way so as to give us space for the more important. Plus, wouldn't this business creation be a part of 'living' as well - creating and completing dreams? Better than zombie-ing around the corporate world blank-faced and sombrely hungering like the primitive animals after the largest piece of meat.

Learning all there is to know, as much as we can, growing and growing... seems to me a better way to exist. Not working and working for our whole lives, having no meaning to living except to survive in stagnation. Business deals with that for us. It is the most intelligent way to obtain for us the means to truly freely enjoy this earth with all its beauty and magic. Religion has made it a sin for pursuing and owning wealth. This is illogical since there is wealth enough for everyone. This is also absurd because our natural way is to grow and there is nothing in us to stop us from earning more and more cash. Yes, we might have a problem with greed (excess/extremism) as we do with a lot of things for moderation is a level of wisdom that would take a thousand years for some, but we do not have the inclination to not try to earn more pennies except when fear comes in the way... and that is where the church comes in with its eternal damnation.

***

I have to learn to detach myself when I am dealing with business issues. It should always be an entire system I am looking at and not petty affairs of administrations. And not a single one of my decisions should define me as a person. Any quarrels, unhappiness or conflict should be looked at with the eye of spotting what is causing the flaw such that capitalism was not reached. The market system is the best model to look at in discussing why capitalism is the best position. It is the natural position and the winds all blow towards that direction. Everybody is happy in that situation... Balance yet again.

I always look towards nature for knowledge. And in business, the market sytem is the ecosystem of knowledge.

Bulldozing the Wall Down

STORY

Found a wall so strong and old
So strong and old it was overlooked
Set itself perfectly, comfortably
On a spot well covered up for ages

So finally I saw the wall
Time to celebrate beauty that could be
Once the wall was broken, new possibilities procured
But the debris remained and became a new wall

Cracked and absurd.
Confused and frustrated.


WALLS

There are so many walls around
Always noticed, always found
But they're mostly yours, not mine
I took noticed but not so enough

It seems to me year after year
I waited to find my wall
But why did I wait for mine
And searched for the walls of others?

Detachment and understanding?
Hands dirty, hands clean.


MINE

Created by model bricks of fearful red
Form some illusion of bright and fun
Its just an uneasy pile of stones
Cemented layer after layer with ego

Sometimes the wall fails to function
Walls in other shapes and sizes
Paddle the intruding elements up and down
Long and hard creates a painful, gaping hole

Hit by the ball to the quick,
Quick be quick in wall's constructive deception.


BULLDOZE
Ego

Impressive walls have jealous scribbles upon it
Inspiring negativity as the instinctive mind always knows
Differentiating the stone from the flesh
Impressive 'flesh' has always beget impressive 'flesh'

The need for acquiring acceptance and agreement
Conquers the need for painting truth, liberation
Impressive walls is the symbol of subjection
Impressive 'flesh' is the oxymoron of chance

Subjugation to others/
Faithfulness to self


BULLDOZE
Uneasy

Right from opening the front door
It's just me and what I think
Not you, not them, not invisible man
I can know but I cannot Care

Caring is like giving out chains to keymasters
Caring about opinions in the labelling sense
What possible reason can justify Caring?
None but only to satisfy the ego's image

Expression without ego =
Depiction of true precision


BULLDOZED

My obligations, my duties, my choices dissected
More but discomforting, unnecessary
Love does not require sacrifice
Love is appreciation and understanding

My comforts, my prerogatives procrastination dissolved
Never do more than you really want to do
Better than whining silently
Building up a hurricane of resent

Your body sometimes know better
Your sacrifice sometimes harms others



http://www.okcupid.com/tests/2659618560150763379/Philosophy-Clarity

Open Your Eyes

Monday: [Rushed to Ikea - Whoosh]
Sunk into the cloud of smoke. Hesitant yet half wanting the time to understand. This is no time to do so. I do not want to. My body does not want to.
My dreams are waiting...

Tuesday: [Ikea Day 2 - Whoosh]
The body has been consumed into an addictive motion. I drew myself in to fit my other's temperament. Uncertain because it is conceited to be otherwise when I do not truly know...
I only sense it and that cannot be good enough until I completely know Sense.

Wednesday: [Tristan Came Over - Whoosh]
The motion has sunk in. This is the mood of the times. I shall only obey although my heart is still unwilling to thoroughly take a stand. Because the aching voice of reason knows.
And the knowledge is getting stronger...

Thursday: [La Baroque Party - Gulp - Red Bar Afters - Gulp]
I seem to be lost in a room of bleeding lights. The music is loud but my heart beats louder. I know I do not want to be here but I am anyway. Why? I go with the flow too much when I have not yet decide...
Later could mean I ruin my quickness of focus, of that sweet clarity.

Friday: [Magazine Media Party - Gulp]
I was talking to my mother, flying through peaceful blue skies, harmonious and in tuned with it all. I have reached that elusive point. The flute has started playing for me...
I am serenaded by that beautiful melodious meditation.

Saturday: [Hendrix Reunion Party - Gulp - Bryan's Birthday Bash - Gulp]
Dipping my toes into the feel of the past I shivered in distaste. So I ended up sitting there, not participating and not disregarding. Just the observer that has wandered there before and know you but could bring you away if you wanted her to.
This reality is the illusion of glamour for escape...

Sunday: [Mahjong Dinner Party - Stretch]
I have finally made up my mind, thought to the end about the trail of things and seen what I needed to see. I knew that I missed dreaming and this endless state of unrest was hurting my vision.
I have clambered back on that horse, riding smoothly back onto the pilgrim's path of love.

Sade's Kiss

woman dressed in a red cheongsam
the look of ease and sex
sex, the rawest life of anything
the soul of the living

you walk through the muted background
absorbed in nothing but yourself,
your emotional mind's intellect
your skin's feel and the taste of your lips

dance! dance my symbollic heart
your being is a reminder
to feeling, breathing, loving.
I pledge my allegiance to you.

move like the delicate wind as it flies
certain as the naked babe
fears are unknown to you
except to conquer and understand

I pledge my allegiance to you.