Set me free.

My perception of life is at its core, a joyful, lively vision.

More times than one, people have tried to distort my inner look on life for variant reasons. Sometimes it is because they themselves are very dissatisfied with their lot in life and the energy that should have been put into doing something about it takes a perverse turn and is instead used on those they have some authority over. They shape and mould their underlings in god-like assumption that they are right. And it is a long breath away before they question themselves to more issues than one. Sometimes people distort my view because they are just way too free, with no strive or understanding to what life is about. They seek to chase away the emptiness they feel by madly bothering about all the people and trivialities around them... none of it meaning anything real to them except to fill their head with 'thoughts' so as to not hear in the silence, the knowledge that they are devoid of substance.

One of the things you will notice about these people is that they are unable to give another the grace of privacy. They have not thought much of the concept and when faced with the topic brought to front by tired fellow human beings, give excuses to others and themselves that what they are doing is not an invasion of privacy but their god-given right. "Why can't I open your letters? I am your _______!" Nothing more is thought of except to alter the perception of others to support the notion that they are right, and by doing so, consciously or subconsciously breaking their underlings' spirits.

Who are these people with so much authority over others such that they can psychologically abuse them for so long that spirits become broken and hearts become dead? Couldn't these underlings just get away from them or not allow them to have any effect on their Selfs whatsoever? But these people are Mothers, Fathers, Bosses, Teachers etc. People who feel they have a right to do what they will to their underlings. People who think that the latters owe them a living. And most of all, people whom we love or want to love.

***

I just want to be my happy self. I love living life; exploring emotions, meeting people, experimenting, planning, studying, dreaming... I want to live on my terms - what to me is right and wrong. I want the space to commit the wrongs and not feel sorry for everyone else but myself. I would like to decide what Truth is, studiously and forensicly without the bias that is encouraged by these manipulators. And then when I have decided on anything for myself, I do not need a hierachical response to my choices. I am fiercely independant and enjoy it immensely. I believe that this meditative self-possession befits the journey of my life. It is not necessary to label me according to my decisions - they do not understand it or would even really try to so how can they judge it? Anyone's purpose should only be to understand me - a separate life, a human with a mind - and not judge me, if you will even bother yourself about me at all (paying this much attention to me, yet not really me but a puppet version, is not in the least crucial to life at all).

Mummy, I just want you to know that I love you. But this love is truly a bondage to suffering. Please allow me to be happy. I have found real happiness now but you keep getting in my way. Please...

...Set me free.

The Heavy Heart/The Growing Ego

I opened it with growing anticipation.
My mind has stopped and only expectation remained.
I want something good but anything could be bad.
Except what I desired, Astounding.
It became not about the object but about my self-image.
It became all about whether I was good or was bad.
One item could bring down my sense of worth.
One item could reign supreme against all other occasions.
Just because it is the most recent occurence.
One reason could neglect all others in the rage of insecurity.
Began by the Ego, craved by the weak.
It is easier to let go to nasty suspicions.
To lay upon others the job to affirm the lazy spirit.

It was ALL irrational, illogical...

(I opened it with anticipation.
Knowing full well that the box was old although it was heavy.
It would be grand to have something good, but 'bad' only does exist for the pessimist.
I know it can be Astounding, and if it wasn't, the next would be.
My Self has nothing to do with all that happens.
My Self is that distant observer watching it all.
All time - past, present, future - is the same to my Self.
Every reason equates to all others to infinity.
Began by the Heart, the true position.
The Ego blocks the heart which in turns, the mind.
And it is impossible to think at full Self.)

~

My Love, thank you for being my muse.

Ea..Sy ?

You are enslaved to the Ego,
When you have something to prove,
To someone, to something & everything.
The Enlightened state does not require
Justification and approbation
From all around.
Seeks only the Self's truth,
Which philosophically thus mathematically
Equates to the universal truth.
That Self-righteous anger
When someone does not comprehend
And you cannot explain well - not calm,
Stems from Egoistic strivings belonging
Only to the inSecure Self.

You get pissed with your stammering,
Frustrating in its unfulfilling nature.
You feel maligned when you know so well
Absolute logic collapses in conceitedness.
You can explain from now till the end of time,
And conceit will still hinder the path to understanding.
Your frustration comes from your inability
To perform to potential.
But the impotency only comes from
Being overwhelmed by seeming impossibility.
Who really cares if it is impossible?
Do we really want them to agree with us?
Do we really believe they can, whole-heartedly?
Only a miraculous opening can allow for such departure
From their safety zone,
From their illogic arising from illogic.

Truth is we just want to stroke our Ego.
We want to display our tremendous intelligence.
We want to prove a point.
We do not mean well.
We do not care.
It is time to move on from that inSecure world.
It is not even about Secure or inSecure.
The Enlightened position is a pure position.
You understand, you move.
You do not attribute
Anything to the Ego or quantify the Self.

I have to pay more attention to the reality of things.
I do what I do regardless of anyone.
And I do not need to answer to anyone really.
So what is in-between is truly...

A big waste of time.

Laughter's Philosophy

Wonderful film-makers like Wes Anderson & David O'Russel have enabled me to understand the brilliance of comedy. Far from the whimsical, mindless entertainment that I used to incline suspect of its substance, it has a rather complex usage which the above-mentioned great minds have utilised in the makings of some superb films.

The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou, The Royal Tenenbaums and I Heart Huckabees are some excellent examples of comedy's great voice. "Some people say that you talk about the serious stuff and then you put in comedy to make it go down easier. But no, they’re one and the same." Russell is one of the rare few who understands too well the interconnectivity between life's most vital questions and laughter. He says that a Zen monk once told him that if one cannot find amusement in something, one never quite understood it.

And to help along this understanding of comedy came the introduction to Bill Hicks. I've always wondered about stand-up comedians... what their purpose is besides making people laugh. It is too simple to just want to communicate laughter and nothing else at all, and find this fulfilling for an artistic outlet. To me, everything must link to the greater picture of life. If it doesn't, it ain't a complete thought. Bill Hicks became for me the comedian I had idealised. I realised that the only way being a stand-up comedian could be something thoroughly worthwhile is when the role is truly used as a form of expression and says something with the power of its medium, provoking and stimulating, within the boundaries of its art, thereby creating a masterpiece.

When you laugh at something comical, the message that came with it went across. You really do understand what's funny about it because it is presented in that light. And then you comprehend that light better. Not as an alternate perceptive world to dreariness and sadness, but a balanced, peaceful realm of detached observation. Which is what our busy minds seek... a meditative state of real control. And then comedy is a choice. To seek that colourful world of simplicity where every seemingly profound subject is second nature, and everybody is tripping on an acid pill. ;)