Set me free.

My perception of life is at its core, a joyful, lively vision.

More times than one, people have tried to distort my inner look on life for variant reasons. Sometimes it is because they themselves are very dissatisfied with their lot in life and the energy that should have been put into doing something about it takes a perverse turn and is instead used on those they have some authority over. They shape and mould their underlings in god-like assumption that they are right. And it is a long breath away before they question themselves to more issues than one. Sometimes people distort my view because they are just way too free, with no strive or understanding to what life is about. They seek to chase away the emptiness they feel by madly bothering about all the people and trivialities around them... none of it meaning anything real to them except to fill their head with 'thoughts' so as to not hear in the silence, the knowledge that they are devoid of substance.

One of the things you will notice about these people is that they are unable to give another the grace of privacy. They have not thought much of the concept and when faced with the topic brought to front by tired fellow human beings, give excuses to others and themselves that what they are doing is not an invasion of privacy but their god-given right. "Why can't I open your letters? I am your _______!" Nothing more is thought of except to alter the perception of others to support the notion that they are right, and by doing so, consciously or subconsciously breaking their underlings' spirits.

Who are these people with so much authority over others such that they can psychologically abuse them for so long that spirits become broken and hearts become dead? Couldn't these underlings just get away from them or not allow them to have any effect on their Selfs whatsoever? But these people are Mothers, Fathers, Bosses, Teachers etc. People who feel they have a right to do what they will to their underlings. People who think that the latters owe them a living. And most of all, people whom we love or want to love.

***

I just want to be my happy self. I love living life; exploring emotions, meeting people, experimenting, planning, studying, dreaming... I want to live on my terms - what to me is right and wrong. I want the space to commit the wrongs and not feel sorry for everyone else but myself. I would like to decide what Truth is, studiously and forensicly without the bias that is encouraged by these manipulators. And then when I have decided on anything for myself, I do not need a hierachical response to my choices. I am fiercely independant and enjoy it immensely. I believe that this meditative self-possession befits the journey of my life. It is not necessary to label me according to my decisions - they do not understand it or would even really try to so how can they judge it? Anyone's purpose should only be to understand me - a separate life, a human with a mind - and not judge me, if you will even bother yourself about me at all (paying this much attention to me, yet not really me but a puppet version, is not in the least crucial to life at all).

Mummy, I just want you to know that I love you. But this love is truly a bondage to suffering. Please allow me to be happy. I have found real happiness now but you keep getting in my way. Please...

...Set me free.

The Heavy Heart/The Growing Ego

I opened it with growing anticipation.
My mind has stopped and only expectation remained.
I want something good but anything could be bad.
Except what I desired, Astounding.
It became not about the object but about my self-image.
It became all about whether I was good or was bad.
One item could bring down my sense of worth.
One item could reign supreme against all other occasions.
Just because it is the most recent occurence.
One reason could neglect all others in the rage of insecurity.
Began by the Ego, craved by the weak.
It is easier to let go to nasty suspicions.
To lay upon others the job to affirm the lazy spirit.

It was ALL irrational, illogical...

(I opened it with anticipation.
Knowing full well that the box was old although it was heavy.
It would be grand to have something good, but 'bad' only does exist for the pessimist.
I know it can be Astounding, and if it wasn't, the next would be.
My Self has nothing to do with all that happens.
My Self is that distant observer watching it all.
All time - past, present, future - is the same to my Self.
Every reason equates to all others to infinity.
Began by the Heart, the true position.
The Ego blocks the heart which in turns, the mind.
And it is impossible to think at full Self.)

~

My Love, thank you for being my muse.