I need to fulfill my dreams. I have to do what I say and create my world with my magical wand. My magic must be done. No matter what happens - even if the sky crashes down and the cows graze on the other side of the atmosphere - I have to do this very thing!
This does not mean I will have to burn down my village, kill all my loved ones and smother their dreams if that is required to get my way. It means I will find a way no matter what, albeit other alternatives if others have to be sacrificed. But why am I even musing about this? I do not have the practice of creating my happiness in the expense of others. But, I do have a strong guilt complex. And the happier I am, the more I feel guilty on a subconscious level.
This has to go.
There is not space in the course of an action plan to be weighed down by irrational guilt. It is a deceivingly small stone that accumulates debris quickly enough into a large boulder. It is psychological warfare within myself. The largest obstacle to becoming the best of myself. It distracts the centering force that could be honed, and thus blurs the mind. It is the bane of all banes.
The center is the place where I am immensely in love with myself. Guilt and self-blame destroys that holy ground. It ruins the connection I have with the ether and prevents me from expanding further into one with the universe. The trappings of self-imposed emotional prisons are psychotic episodes of deep lull yet in the climax of this great bubble of feeling, creativity abounds - as such is the power of the human mind and spirit. Yet it is only the first few prisons that produces genius. If rebirth does not occur subsequently, it is just a robotic chain of meaninglessness.
The longer I remain in the center, the easier it is not to guilt and blame the Self. I will see that everything was done as it had to be done in that space and time. And sometimes an expected result occur and sometimes an unexpected one does. Life is a cinematic adventure to watch, to observe and to learn. And the only emotions that are true here is the one of interest, of delight, of splendour, of sympathy, of understanding, of joy... of love. All culminating together in one big celebratory dance of pure living.
I have to root myself down to my center. And stay there forever and ever.
5 comments:
it is beautiful writing...and lovely thoughts you express...a wonderfully crafted letter for your heart...
...and even in those times when the guilt rears its head and tries even harder to wrap its tentacles around your heart...love yourself even more...
It is true as you say: you have to love yourself before you can expect love from others. Sometimes it is hard, but we all are worthy in some sense. I like to think that I am worthy of love when someone else smiles at me . . . such a nice feeling.
Nice to hear from you again.
Interesting perspective...
Hmmm... since the very birth, or even before we are born, the society is build in such a way that we are programmed to feel guilty for our happiness...
That is the reason how each individual is bound to the social ways.... the best and easiest way to get anything done is by making the other person feel guily, no blood, no violence... but the emotional erraticity is immense...
hmmm.... nice piece.
That was great advice! Its something Ive been trying to convey to myself, You've articulated it so well, and said EXACTLY what Ive had in mind for soo long! Thank You:)
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