City of Ember - A Review

(This is my reflection of the fantasy's concept so I am not particularly analysing the book nor the film in its art form.)

The idea isn't new. That humankind is in mortal danger from some form of great disaster and have to flee to an underground region for safety. It's the emotion of fear in the entrapment of darkness that is developed to a certain degree and fresh here.



The last surviving people on earth have only seen the underground city the original builders created more than 200 years ago. They have no knowledge about where they are in relation to the planet and their only source of light is generated by electricity which has been increasingly faulty as the years went by. As the blackouts get more frequent and the time spent waiting in the darkness became more and more unbearable, the quintessential questions of survival are revived and we see how the old, the young, the jaded, and those that are stuck in an endless monotony without any desire or motive to change - we see how they handle the dire situation, internally and externally. Then there are those who cling on to a comatosed yet happy world of song and religious togetherness. They seem outside of the mess, in an alternate state, but instead of being truly delivered from the material aspect of life, they simply appear zombiefied and entirely out of point. There is insanity in their total lack of coherence for the reality that is unfolding sturdily into the minds of all and the depth of the fear they are showing (by not showing) must be so immeasureable that they have to escape into such profound opposite to extremity.

It is the two protagonists that keep humankind in check. They are focused on finding a way out of the eternal condemnation to darkness and as they keep on moving with hearts aflamed with that desire, they eventually solved the seemingly unsolveable problem. And these are strong personalities, diffusing a father who is jaded yet brilliant and imposes his fears & negativity unto his son. The love for his father, the respect for their similar brand of genius, the regret for his loss in contribution to the society and the frustration with his insecurities and lost of hope - these influences could have been a distraction for that bright boy alight with a beautiful fire inside him, but he kept his head and his dream and pushed on. The girl left alone with her baby sister and a grandma who became mentally ill had so much on her shoulders and still kept that youthful exuberance and positivity which requires so much strength and will. Along with that was the sad memory of her parents as shown when she played back the recording of her parents' voices for her little sister everynight for her to sleep, and the underlying curiosity and mystery of the circumstances surrounding their demise.

The fantasy element and colour in the movie also gave height to the experience of the film. It injected humour in its own way to help us look at the situation in an objective yet clear manner, standing as the third person only so very involved - intrigued.

All in all, wonderfully done and suitable for all ages. Not everyone would be as in love with it. It depends on how much you enjoy grounding yourself and how much you enjoy flight. Go watch and decide.

Where's My Center?

~The center is the place where you are immensely in love with yourself. And you are a part of the ether, and you are the ether.~

I need to fulfill my dreams. I have to do what I say and create my world with my magical wand. My magic must be done. No matter what happens - even if the sky crashes down and the cows graze on the other side of the atmosphere - I have to do this very thing!

This does not mean I will have to burn down my village, kill all my loved ones and smother their dreams if that is required to get my way. It means I will find a way no matter what, albeit other alternatives if others have to be sacrificed. But why am I even musing about this? I do not have the practice of creating my happiness in the expense of others. But, I do have a strong guilt complex. And the happier I am, the more I feel guilty on a subconscious level.

This has to go.

There is not space in the course of an action plan to be weighed down by irrational guilt. It is a deceivingly small stone that accumulates debris quickly enough into a large boulder. It is psychological warfare within myself. The largest obstacle to becoming the best of myself. It distracts the centering force that could be honed, and thus blurs the mind. It is the bane of all banes.

The center is the place where I am immensely in love with myself. Guilt and self-blame destroys that holy ground. It ruins the connection I have with the ether and prevents me from expanding further into one with the universe. The trappings of self-imposed emotional prisons are psychotic episodes of deep lull yet in the climax of this great bubble of feeling, creativity abounds - as such is the power of the human mind and spirit. Yet it is only the first few prisons that produces genius. If rebirth does not occur subsequently, it is just a robotic chain of meaninglessness.

The longer I remain in the center, the easier it is not to guilt and blame the Self. I will see that everything was done as it had to be done in that space and time. And sometimes an expected result occur and sometimes an unexpected one does. Life is a cinematic adventure to watch, to observe and to learn. And the only emotions that are true here is the one of interest, of delight, of splendour, of sympathy, of understanding, of joy... of love. All culminating together in one big celebratory dance of pure living.

I have to root myself down to my center. And stay there forever and ever.

Inside the Mind of the Mind

When clarity escapes us in whatever degree, do we yearn for it, search for it or do we just bask darkly in the haze that surrounds us, sadistically embracing the emotions that lie in that negative state. Perhaps it is the search that caused such perverse internal debauchery. Maybe in the over-thought of desiring clarity, clarity is lost.

Over-thought - the biggest bane in my life. If at all my hopes and dreams are dashed there can be no other reason but this. The paralysis of over-analysis. I must be the worst of all over-thinkers. The most dramatic victim of the source of self-doubt and self-question. The instinctive flows of my talents has one by one collapsed into nothingness as though it has never existed for me.

For talent requires deep confidence and a full self. It is performed in a long, deep breath, without interruption from the heart that isn't still, the opinions of others or any neurotically enforced patterned behaviour. Systems can only abolish the genius in things when it is enforced to reduce thinking but in reality, systems of this manner are just products of over-thought and thus do not work at all. If true genius is in play, there is no energy spent in over-thought but everything will flow beautifully without slaving away at all.

I say this like it is such an easy concept to practice and it is, but when consistency and reguliarity comes into play that is when it stumps me. How does one do something so special day in and out without over-complicating its naturality? I want to achieve this. I want to be this. I want to be in form perpetually and so I need to unlock its secrets. I need to be able to look at something from its freshest angle over and over again. I cannot be jaded, or tired or distracted in any way. I have to be consumed with love for the thing. And like how I never ruin the enjoyments I love most with excess, I should respect my talents in the very same way. But of course I will not willingly destroy art into addiction. The first time it ever happened was because it became a job and I HAD to do it repeatedly. Otherwise it will only be inspiration and expression that blew me its way. And for a long while inspiration was never a problem, until this issue I am whining about came into being - analysis paralysis. And then there was no longer any semblance of true inspiration and I was left only with that weird patterned behaviour.

Look at this piece of writing. It began in five lines to five lines and then I started to really write or did I? It is scary to be jailed in that strange place where nothing makes sense and everything looks to be moving in a robotic fashion. Fear is deeply alive in here. But I have to work this place out. I have to work it out IN HERE. I have to tackle the beast within the beast so as to come out truly victorious and unafraid no more.

Whatever the answer is, it has to keep the love for the talents beating strong. It has to fend off all negative emotions by filling the spaces with positive breathing ones. How do I not sink into the depressions of my problems when my inner core is so damaged I have to fight to keep the love for what I thought so personally mine it will never be at risk?

Silence please, my oh my raging mind. Please quieten down. I'm afraid of your endless movements. I have no clue what to do. I think the main problem is that I am not honest with myself. Not thorough with whatever I am feeling. I should acknowledge my excitements, my nervousness, my worries, my joys and all my swallowed emotions. Because only once I do that can I clearly remove it or use it in my system. If I do not acknowledge its existence, I could only be holding a mess of its reality and the reality I desire. Which will never be any state of clarity.

It is clarity which will give me all of the heart and the mind's brain power. The colundrum of the two beating as one. And the two at balance will give me clarity. A paradox that is as simple as breathing in and out, and as easily messed up as when breathing is over-watched, over-thought.

(Ok, the thought of over-thinking breathing puts me in a smothering and deeply silent paranoia which is too scary to face, so let's stop here.)

In Between the Dark & Light

In between the dark and light is fear.

numbing, crazy sensation that stems from an irrational place
it overwhelms you, drowns you in a mist of strangeness

yet in everything there must be balance,
so the lack of it explains the fear

in any moment of self-doubt or self-dislike,
the irrational culturedly phases in, in sharp pokes

and then again it is only a snap of the fingers away,
this difference of dark and light.

In between the dark and light is fear.

this fear creeps into the guilty part of yourself
and have you cry into the corners of your mind
wondering and alarmed, scattered and afraid.

if you could only calm that part of yourself down
you would be like anybody else,
safe, sheltered, unharmed
but are there such persons at all?

we are madly lost in the sorrows of war.
our primitive instinct creeping up like the way fear does
our inner groove lost in this deepening sorrow

where its safe and untouched by dirty hands
the inner city of tranquility and hereby:
excitement uncontained and quiet familiarity of the unknown
unknown no longer a source of fear (irration)

In between the dark and light is fear.

-Written between the slumbers and the cigarette cocktail-

The Winds

There is that indescribable energy that coexists with and within us all, dancing around the bend and appearing a quantum leap away sometimes. You must wait for it, prepare for it, smile at it, play with it so as to be able to find yourself standing at that magical place where everything is of the same perspective as everything else. You can never plan something totally forgetting it because your goals will not be reached at all whereas if you plan something completely respecting this energy, your goals will be met and more. This energy exists like how the wind is among us, moving things, breathing life, spilling magic. You must be at one with it to enjoy it, to enjoy life, to experience fully. If you see it as something to break free from you will have lost the point altogether yet those who do not even know of its existence are worser off as they would be thoroughly lost in ignorance.



This wind cannot be in the focus nor in the background. It cannot be analysed nor forgotten. It must be placed in perfect harmony with your decisions, your movements or else it will destroy every moment. This seems tricky but is actually simple because simplicity is the key to getting this right. Here is the actual tricky part: the winds of others. Some people are stormy, destructive winds for others and some people are calming and inspirational winds for some. It is the same theory but more emotional here because your own energy might be read wrongly by others when it should not be read at all. Once that happens and ego sets in, your grasp on the windy movements will be disrupted and your bearing and demeanour will undergo a change in substratum where the focus of everything moves around the hurt or frustration that is caused by the disalignment of the two winds.



With the energy that circulates the entire of existence I can remove my ego from it. I can take its hand and jump around in gleeful merriment. I know it does not judge me nor find judgement of any importance in living. It sees me and even if it doesn't, I know it sees itself. And somehow in that knowledge, it does not matter anymore because all I wanted was the truth. The truth of balanced thought over the truth of the limited circumstance. It is the winds of people that I am most fearful of. The evil that can be stormed up in an instance of insecure weakness. The thoughts and impressions that can be set for a lifetime due to an idealistic method of creating the world. Yet the vulnerability that lies within their hearts is what most breaks me for it can open itself so achingly to the enemy, using blood to draw him in, and then in one orgasmic release, shatter every bone in the enemy's body.



Most people might think it easier to handle the winds of others. I find it tough because the moment I embrace their energies I lose sight of the focus. Being sympathetic towards their cause might sacrifice my perfect self, and thus the inequality expels my friendship with the all-prevailing wind. For them who find it easier to manipulate the winds of people, theirs is no less unequal for the conceited self presides over the hearts of others. Anything can only become equal when there's any third item to the pair. Both focused on something else like a project or a thought.



Over all, I see that being strictly meditative and centered will mean to keep the focus as the vision, the method at the forefront, the camaraderie for the moments and music in the background. And that is how I shall keep my winds friendly all around. :)

The Healing Immersion of the Present 2008

The healing immersion of the present

Cleanses the emotion of the past

Creates episodes in memory

Beautiful and complex

Monumented in our minds

Detached from our souls

The healing immersion of the present

Purifies the worry of the future

Lets it come as it will

Enjoys the unknown, unbiased

Structures plans and ideas

All ready for embarkment or evolvement

The healing immersion of the present

Allows you to feel the entirety of the now

Gets you in the funk of it all

Creativity and imagination totally lived

This is the only way there can be no regret

For there is nothing unfelt, unthought or undone

We are the observers of the magical chaotic order

A part of the cosmic experience

We are the intelligent emotional energy

That exist with the rest of the universe

Yesterday's pain shall be yesterday's beauty

Tomorrow's stress shall be tomorrow's to decide

Today's pizazz shall be today's pizazz...

~The colourful mounting of curious winds to commemorate the day I was born. To be born again is the best thing to learn and relearn this year.~